Everything must change

One of the lessons that we must learn in life is that nothing is permanent. We all know the old adage that the only thing that doesn’t change is change itself. We stress over change, we fight it, we resist. But things change anyway.

Impermanence is the Buddhist concept of this lesson. Accepting impermanence helps us to stay present, because no matter what we are feeling in this moment, it isn’t going to stay that way forever. We can rest assured that it will change. What does that mean when it comes to grief though?

It was three years ago today that my Mom passed away, and I still grieve her. Not with the same intensity I did in the immediate aftermath, but I still want to curl in a ball and cry some days because I miss my Mama. It’s more of an ebb and flow of intensity now, rather than the raw wound that was there in the first year. So I do know that while some days the intensity is there, and I can feel into it, I also know that it will ebb and the missing will be less acute. On those days I can remember the warmth and humour of my Mom with a smile. I can feel into that in the present as well.

Amid the chaos of life, we can all find our moments of presence and just feel them, accept them without trying to resist or change what is happening. This is true mindfulness. So today I will allow myself to feel whatever comes up, knowing that this too is impermanent, and that resistance will only increase my suffering. Within that space of acceptance, I allow the grief, the authentic feelings, to rise. I honour myself in this way, and also my Mom who started teaching me early on about spirit, mindfulness and so much more wisdom.