Sticking to Commitments vs Saying No: Can we have it all?
There’s an art to saying no, isn’t there? If you get good at it, you know how to set boundaries, when to say no and what your priorities are. Sounds simple, right? The truth is, though, that most of us don’t want to hurt the feelings of another, whether it’s our partner, a friend or your kid. And we worry about the repercussions of saying no to a boss.
If you know your priorities, though, it gets easier. If this new ask is in direct competition with what your priorities are, the choice is easy; the how may be more difficult, but the choice itself is simple. There are a few things you can do to take the sting out of the no:
Practice saying no: Those times hat it’s an easy no make it simple to practice. You get more and more comfortable the more you do it.
Be polite, but: You don’t need to be too nice about it. Don’t come off wishy washy or when you come up against a super persistent person, you’ll end up caving. This is a time to be assertive.
Pre-empt the request: If you know you’ll likely be asked, set the expectation early. “Just to let you know, I won’t be available this week as I have too much on my plate already.” Easy peasy.
Think on it: Don’t be the person who automatically says yes. Tell the person asking that you need to check your schedule. Actually give it thought and then decide.
If you’re saying no to your boss, let them know you don’t jeopardize your existing commitments. Try going over the existing commitments.
So, when do you take the commitment on? Sometimes, we just don’t want to do something so we say no. Take your kids for example. Do you find yourself saying no because what they’re asking you to do is boring? The school trip to the recycling plant may sound like a big yawn, but you showing up means the world to your kid, even if they don’t show it. That one is simple, though, isn’t it? Our children are often one of our priorities.
Sometimes we take something on and change our minds about it later, maybe because it’s just too hard. Staying committed to a project, person, place - whatever it is - allows us a sense of completion, dedication, engagement with life that we would not otherwise experience. It also gives us pride in our accomplishments, which can lead to higher self esteem.
Balance is the name of the game. Say no when you need to, but consider it first. When you do commit, see it through to the end!